Divining the Bones

Well, earlier in my history class this week, we were studying Chinese history, and we were talking about oracle bones, and the role they played in the culture. What would happen, is the priests would take bones, usually the shoulder blade of a turtle, and inscribe upon it the question they wished answered by heaven. Then they'd shove the bone in a fire and read the answer by the cracks inflicted upon the bone by the heat.

So I thought, if I can play at reading palms for fun, surely I can play at reading oracle bones. So here, is my interpretation of the concerns and answers to those concerns of the royals in ancient China.

The question: Will the other-tribe-of-people-who's-name-must-not-be-mentioned attack us this summer?

Answer: Not if you do a peace dance in the middle of the river during winter solstice. 

Question: What should I get my daughter for her birthday? 

Answer: A pony. 

Question: Who should my son marry? 

Answer: Not that ugly hag of your friend's cousin.

Question: Should I attack during summer or wait until fall?

Answer: Didn't I already tell you to do the peace dance?

There you are. Divination.