Sewing and Love

I still remember the way he looked at me, like I was an actual human being with feelings and aspirations and dreams and humanness. Not like I was a piece of meat to be selected, used, then hung out to dry. Or a brain to be flattered and picked and complimented, because that is totally the way you will get me to give you the answers for the study guide that you want.

I say that I remember it, but in all reality I actually just imagined that, because I don't actually think a boy has ever looked at me like that. Not to put down men and say they're all terrible and misogynist, but that's just been my personal experience. You think strange things late at night, with silence as your companion and a waistband to attach to your skirt before you can go to bed.

I'm more at home with a needle and thread in hand than I am in front of a sewing machine with my foot on the pedal. The machine goes faster than I'm comfortable with sometimes and there's no love. Not the same kind of love you get hand sewing something, watching the material slowly come together as you dip the silver needle in and out of the fabric, pulling the thread through carefully, but quickly. I'm confident in my skills as a hand sewer. I can do that. I can make tiny even stitches, insofar as my patience will stretch.

Sewing is a beautiful thing. There are lots of beautiful things in this world, but perhaps one of the most beautiful, and dare I even say sexy, things I know of is freely given consent. Perhaps that's why I think about guys who would like at me like I'm a human being. The ones I imagine would be good at getting a girl's consent before doing anything. It's awkward and shy and scary and I can't imagine putting yourself out there and asking a girl if it's okay to hold her hand and kiss her before you do it but I can actually and it is beautiful.

But not just my consent. He has to give it to because that's what's really important, is that consent is given on both sides. I can't make a proper skirt if both my halves don't match up. My seams won't match. You need two sides of consent before anyone makes a move. To ask consent is to put yourself out there and say, "I'm cool with doing this thing. Do you want to too?"

That has got to be as wonderful and lovely as putting something together all by yourself and seeing how beautiful it is.