A Letter to Future Me

A few weeks ago I was asked if I would write a letter to future me, what I would write. So I did, and this is what came out of it.
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Dear Future Me,

Hey. Hi? What’s it like over there? How is it going? Wait, don’t tell me. I’d rather figure it out as I go along. 

I hope you’re doing great. That nothing’s gone terribly wrong. 

I hope you’re still all the parts of myself that are really important. Not that maybe you’ve gotten eye surgery so you don’t have to worry about glasses anymore, or that maybe your legs have stopped being allergic to EVERYTHING (although that would be nice), but the really important parts. 

I hope you’re still sweet and kind and gentle. It’s not a bad thing, and you know it isn’t a bad thing to be so, but for some reason, (you remember) I spent a long time thinking that it was bad to be that, and that I had to be fierce and mean and sometimes justly cruel. And it hurt. I hope you haven’t gone back to thinking like that. You don’t have to be fierce and mean and rip everyone’s throats out when they don’t agree with you. You got a lot further with becoming friends with people when you were sweet and kind than when you wanted to just tease them and torture them. 

Not to say that being fierce and mean is bad. It’s sometimes good, especially when you’re standing up for the important things. Family. Friends. People. 

You can’t defend your ideals and be mean, Carina. You can only defend people like that, and only against physical threats. 

I hope you still love people. Even the ones that you want to hate. You and I have forgiven people of the most horrendous acts, and it’s okay. Nobody deserves your hate and anger. Not even you. Just let it go, and I promise it’ll get better. It’ll take time, but if you work hard enough, it’ll happen. 

Loving others makes you a lot happier than anger. No matter how righteous and justified, and yes, you can choose whether or not to stay angry. Don’t be offended by something that wasn’t meant to offend. No. You can’t do that. Don’t stay offended by something that wasn’t meant to offend. Deal with it and move on. 

Anger and hatred are poison. You can’t help people with that. You have to love them. 

And you’re gonna mess up. It’s only natural to get angry and mad and offended when people do something that just clashes with you, especially if they’re a close friend and it really is just something wrong. 

It’s okay. It’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to feel things. You’re- we’re- human. If all you feel is happiness and rainbows and sunshine, you need to check up on that. 

This is getting really long. I may be young and naive, and full of hopeful ideals, but I hope you proved me right and managed to live up to at least most of those ideals. I hope you still do. I hope you work hard, play fun, and create things with all your might and soul.

I love you. In as hopefully normal a way as it is a past shade of a person can love the future hope. We’ll be good. It’ll be great.

Love,

Me 

Beauty Blogging for Tropical Climates

I happened to be on Facebook today and I saw this request that one of my friends had posted on her status update. It seemed very reasonable, after all, living in Hawaii brings with it a lot of humidity and weather that doesn't really lend itself to having long luxurious sleek hair or makeup that won't melt off.
(Case in point: I left my air-conditioned work this morning to step outside and immediately my glasses fogged up and my phone in my hand became so wet because of condensation I feared for its life.)

Now, Stephanie, I am not a beauty blog. Far from it. In fact, this blog has been awfully, terribly dead recently. But in the spirit that gets me writing sometimes, I shall attempt to do this for you, at least what I can from my limited perspective and experience.

Let's look at your questions here. You want to know how you can look good

• without having makeup melt off your face
• without being restricted to one hairstyle because of heat and convenience
• with stylish yet comfortable clothes designed for both wrestling with a baby and looking totally fab

Disclaimer: everything I'm about to give you is just what I do, so take that as you will.

Beauty Protip 1: Wake up. Or don't wake up, if you happened to not get any sleep last night. But once you wake up, I want you to stretch. Yeah, like that. Just straighten your back, lengthen your arms, yawn a little. Then, I want you to remember that you want to look beautiful in this terrible, terrible heat. Go to your mirror. Look at your face. It's beautiful, isn't it. Look at that nose, those eyelashes. No one else has eyelashes quite like you have eyelashes. They're gorgeous, just like you are. 

Now, I want you to look at your beautiful, beautiful face, and say, out loud, "I am a cutie patootie." Because not only are you a cutie patootie, but you are adorable as heckie. 

But, that is not your goal here today. You want to be able to wear makeup that won't melt off your face. So, bearing in mind that you are the most wonderfully beautiful person on the face of the planet, look at your face. Now, in my very not-intensive research, I have discovered that most, if not all, makeup easily melts off your face in extreme heat, so your options are either to work and live in constant air conditioning or not wear makeup. 

"Carina," you will say, "that's not what I'm looking for." 

I want you to go back and look at your cute face and tell me you need makeup to cover it up. (Sometimes, yes, you do. I do too. Makeup is wonderful and fabulous.) But some days you don't. And on days when you know that, don't wear makeup! Or, if you still want to look even more fab than you already are, just wear minimal makeup. Perhaps just put on a dazzling display in the eye department and wow everyone with those gorgeously done windows to the soul. Or wear bright red lipstick and nothing else (actually, please wear clothes as well, I would not like to see you get arrested for indecent exposure). That way, you can look fab, with minimal results in the melting-your-face-off-this-is-not-an-Indiana-Jones-movie department.

So, wear whatever you feel like, be it all-out makeup or nothing but bare skin and beautiful flaws and blemishes or a compromise between melting and dazzling.

Beauty Protip 2: After you've decided what to do with that perfect face of yours, it's time to turn to spend some much-needed time with your flowing locks. As you contemplate the beauty in the light reflecting off a few strands and the colors that change and exist (try it, hold a lock of your hair up to the light and look at it, it's stunning) you have to do something with it. By all means, leaving it down and flying freely is totally an option, but here, as it is so hot, and also very windy, with the trade winds (I've never been fond of hair blowing in my face) leaving it down may not be the most attractive option.

But, because of the wonderful versatility of hair, you are not limited at all to just a bun to get that hair out of your face. Here's a short list of hairstyles that may or may not be just as labor intensive as a bun but will also look major cute on your amazing head.

• Braids (French, Dutch, pigtails, milkmaid, a really long rope down your back). There are so many different kind of braids, and most if not all of them serve the dual purpose of getting hair off your neck and out of your face and looking really cute. Also, braids don't get snarled easily and stay clean, so if you sleep right, you could wear the same braided hairstyle for more than one day if you so chose. 
• Classic high-top ponytail. Just pull your hair up as far as you can without it actually being on top of your head, put it in the elastic, and let your hair waterfall down gloriously. If you are not blessed with curly hair already, feel free to curl it if you wish (and have time) for a gorgeous mass of waterfalling ringlets. Always classy. 
• Clips (of varying size and compostition and design). You can do amazing things with clips, whether its getting all your hair very messily and easily off your neck and just holding it back to just holding part of your hair up if you want to leave some down. Clips are some of my favorite things. 
• Cutting all your hair off. Obviously this is an extreme new hairstyle, but getting a bob or pixie cut or even just slicing off a few inches will help you feel better and your hair be healthier and lighter. It depends on your hairdresser and what you feel like you would look good with. 

I'm sure this is not all the things you could possibly do with your hair, but, as I said, it's a short list. Vary it from day to day, and don't feel bad if you do happen to wear a bun three days in a row. They're cute. Just like you.

Beauty Protip 3: I actually really don't have a very good idea on what to do with clothes and heat, given as if I could get away with it, I would wear minimal clothing, if clothing at all. (It's really hot here when the trades die, okay? Also, less laundry. Who wouldn't want that?)
What I do know is that material like cotton is very cool and you would want to go for that, and it's also very comfortable and soft for babies. In my experience and memory which I'm really hoping is correct, synthetic materials tend to gather heat and get sticky and not fun. So if you can, if you remember, try keeping an eye out on that when you buy clothing.
Also, I like wearing skirts. It's not a thing everyone can get away with (I'm looking at people of the male gender who for some reason think pants are better) but when you can, they're both cool and comforting and cute and adorable and an instant dress-up sensation. I prefer long, flowy, almost gypsy-esque skirts, but that's what looks good on me and what I find comfortable. (Warning: with long skirts and elastic waistbands you do face the possibility of a baby pulling your skirt off, which may or may not be fine with you.)
Shorts are also nice, but again, it's clothes. To each their own, with their own unique styles, their own budget, and their own time. Wear what's comfortable, and if anybody decides to give you grief for it, eat them.*



Finally, decide that you are pretty. Look in the mirror at the beginning of the day, and tell yourself that you are pretty. Because no matter how you do your hair, how much or little makeup you wear, or what clothes you deck yourself out in, if you have not made the decision that you are pretty, it will be harder to convince yourself of that fact. Once you have decided you are pretty, no one can take that from you. And if you think you're the only one that thinks you're pretty, you are wrong. Because I think you are not only pretty, you are a crown jewel in beauty and your smile could bring world peace. Even if you don't think you're pretty yet, I think you're pretty, and you can come and read this every day and it will still be true. So go out, brave the heat, and enjoy your life.














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*Don't actually eat them. I will not be held responsible for your actions if you decide to take my words into your own hands. Cannibalism is never recommended, even if the person you are about to turn into a three-course meal is being very rude. You are not Hannibal. Your name does not rhyme with cannibal (I hope) and even if it does you still should not eat people. People are not food. 

A Walk at the Beach

Sorry for the long absence guys. Have some descriptive prose to make up for it. 

The waves splashed over my bare feet, a feeling of blessed coolness accompanying the salt water. My feet sank a little in the warm sand, individual grains finding their way between my toes. I pinched the bridge of my nose, squinting into the bright afternoon sun, reflecting off the pale sand and sparkling in the playful waves. The wind caressed me, finding ways to touch every inch of my exposed skin, running its silky touch along my salt-tinged body. But with that soft touch comes a taste of fire, as that same wind whips my loose hair around and catches it in my chapped lips, forcing me to temporarily eat the gritty strands. I frown, pulling hair out of my face, my deft fingers desperately trying to get it into some semblance of order. My hair, defiant and unruly, refuses to comply, something my fingers, after all their years of experiences, cannot fix. Another wave crashed over my feet, and I am startled. 

#poweroutagesaga

So, earlier this week I, and most other people, got an ominous email from my school saying there is this thing they have to do every year (or every other year, I forget) that involves taking all the power over all of campus and shutting it down so they can do some stuff. Oh, and also that it hadn't been done in the past 35 years.

However, with wanting their new buildings to get safety approval, this must be done. So they set the date for midnight Sunday morning still around 5 pm, no one would have power, except for those places that would have generators for protecting food and such.

This is the saga of what happened today. My morning started out just fine, getting ready to go to church with just sunlight to guide me.

Okay, maybe not so fine. It was first thing in the morning, I think I can forgive myself for not realizing that it takes electricity to toast bread. At least I knew better than to use the stove. My morning continued. 

Me, noting on things it would be nice to have. Little did I know...

For whatever reason, the school hadn't actually turned off their wifi, although I should point out that the school's wifi to my house sucks and it didn't really mean I could do anything, so I remained on my phone most of the time. 

I continued getting ready for church, feeling confident enough in myself to invest in a selfie:

I got complimented on that outfit. Elegant. Made my day. Anyway, after that, I went to church and then there was a worldwide training meeting that I attended with my father and brother, which had it's own drama: 

So we missed a good ten minutes of that while they struggled to get the communication back online. 

Then I came home, ready for some rest, a nap, and hopefully not long waiting until the power came back on. The novelty was slowly beginning to wear off. 

So confident was I that the power would arrive soonish around the time that they advertised, that I invested my meager laptop battery power to our entertainment. Little did I know. 

Still I had no fear. After enjoying the movie and wishing for maybe the millionth time that Starfleet actually existed, we ate dinner. Cleaned up (washing dishes in cold water isn't fun) (or very hygenic feeling) and went outside, where I jammed on my guitar for a bit before we all headed up for a walk. The power still wasn't back, and it was well past 5 pm. I was starting to fear that the power wouldn't come back on before night hit. 

I was very irritated. The power was gone, I had a headache from the fumes from the generators parked just outside, my batteries were all dying, and I couldn't charge them like I had planned BECAUSE THERE WAS NO POWER, and I couldn't really sit down and try reading to relax because the light was quickly going. I even asked for a candle for my room, so I could have light, but then I was bitterly reminded of the fact that open flames aren't allowed. Oops. 

So I sat in my room, sulking, trying to finish my book before the light completely went, when I heard whooping from the other houses. And it was... joyful, something I hadn't felt in the past few hours since I finished watching Star Trek. Hope surged through my veins, as I turned to look out my open window. Indeed, my neighbors' lights were on, and I quickly went and turned on my own. Glorious light filled the room, and I screamed and shrieked, joining the cacophony with my neighbors, all my tension released with electricity returned to my life. 

1 year of this

Wow, guys. It's been one year. One year of blogging and posting things and going for some stretches without posting anything, but it's been a year. Lucky for me, this Father's Day last year, I was bored and wanted something to do, something that was still writing but wasn't stories or anything super long.

And I have throughly enjoyed all this time. I've enjoyed the reactions from you guys, I've enjoyed having the ability to put my thoughts out here, I've enjoyed getting to tell my story. So thank you all for sticking with me and my horrible titles (I really have always had a hard time coming up with titles forever) and some terrible blog posts and some really good ones. Thank you all so much.

Peaches.

Glee is eating peaches with my little sister, our faces inches from each other while we both bite into our half of the peach at the same time, foreheads knocking. Her face smiles while she chews, and I laugh at her expression, her adorable face scrunched up, framed by bright red braids that still attempt to curl into ringlets. We go in for another bite.

It's been a long time since I've eaten fresh peaches, several months at the least. I don't remember. It's been even longer since I've eaten peaches that weren't a horrible disappointment to me.

I love peaches. Call it the fact that I grew up in the Peach State, or the fact that peaches are honestly the best fruit on the face of the planet, I love peaches, and they will always hold a special place in my heart.

It wasn't baby's first peach. It won't be her last. But what was important, for that little moment we shared, was that it was our peach.

finals and endings

I feel like I broke something, like the fact that I didn't write a post during finals week about how stressed I was over finals or something similar broke a pattern that I sort of started for the past two semesters.

But, you know, things have to happen at least three times to no longer be a coincidence.

And for some reason this finals week managed to be the finals week I was so busy I didn't even have time to complain about how busy I was, just a barely coherent blog post last Tuesday written in the dead of night because reasons.

Which seemed odd, because I only took two classes this block, which compared to the regular five or so classes I take during a normal semester that's not awkwardly split in half, should have been a lot easier.

But more than likely due to my fabulous procrastinating skills, I ended having a super intense finals week, which wasn't horrible... it just was slightly overwhelming and I never want to do it again. (Because I'll never ever do it again hahahahahha nope)

But my last day of classes/finals was yesterday. Just a quick little test for my crisis management class and a quick little presentation on my costume for my costuming class. And while that was going on, I was thinking about how anticlimactic semester/block endings really are.

You spend your whole semester just waiting for the moment when you no longer have to go to class and then several weeks later you're done and you hand your teacher your final but you finished early before most of the people in your class and the silence is thick and deafening and you just kind of look at each other and then you awkwardly grab your stuff and leave and that's the end.

No goodbyes. No "thanks for being such an awesome teacher this semester i really liked this class". No witty reparteé (sp?) with classmates and maybe also your professor. No emotional hugs. Just... leaving.

And I get that most of this is because it's college and it's not high school and there's a good chance that you will either see that teacher again (or even have them again if they teach enough major classes) (you know who you are) and then you guys can talk and hang out and all the jazz, and the same goes for most of the students, it's not high school and this is not the only place where you're required to see each other.

But still. It feels kinda empty. Sometimes you won't have a teacher again. Sometimes your class partner is flying out to Utah right after the semester and you find out you didn't have a chance to say goodbye.

And the reason that these endings, I think, feel so wrong and awkward is because there is no chance to say goodbye, even if we know that goodbye is only going to be for a week or so or however long it is until the next semester starts. There is no chance to actually come to terms with the fact that what has become habitual for the past couple months is now ended. There's no formal transition. It just is.

And it feels really weird.